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I’ve been silent on here for quite a bit as I seem to have felt that there really isn’t much for me to blog about….or rather what there is to blog about isn’t really the best of news (though not devastating) and I usually wish to blog about happy things. Sadly all I have to share about my current life is marginally above the mundane.

This past week I’ve kinda scorned facebook. I’m not sure how or why it happens but there are moments where I don’t want to be surrounded by people….though oddly enough whenever I am thrust into a group during one of these preposterous moods I find that I have really really enjoyed myself….so with a bit more motivation today to check on what my facebook peeps are up to I logged on and….found yet another birth announcement.

This frustrates me.

Especially as I have had two friends recently announce to me that they’re pregnant. This mixed-emotion balancing act is getting harder and harder as time goes on. I am honestly happy for those who are being blessed with babies. Seriously happy for them and I do want to hear updates and be kept in the loop, especially if there is something they need that I can help with. However while those feelings are surging throughout me so is a ferocious jealousy powered by fear that these blessings will not be available to me. So here my own personal internal Jekyll and Hyde have a hash out quite often because…..damnit I cannot get babies off of my brain. Trust me: I am trying.

This frustration is further compounded with a lost-in-translation instruction that set our fertility journey a step back. Currently I have only one more (invasive and painful) test left to do before treatment can begin. Knowing the nature of such test I wanted to get it over and done with. Finland thankfully has a rather good health plan which is currently all we can afford. The government in order to save money and force us to become healthier (damn their good intentions) have insisted that all fertility treatments must be halted for women who have a BMI over 35 – mine is 37. I called last week to schedule this last test and was told that until I lost the weight I could not get any treatment. Now logically I agree with the government decision and think it’s a good plan but because it pertains to me I irrationally want to cry and smack a bill-maker up the side of the head for further pushing us back.  I have always been a big girl since puberty and I have never successfully lost weight before…..on the other hand I have never been so motivated before but bah to that! Of course I have upped the exercise and changed my eating habits and I really really hope that this doesn’t take too long to lose. If you have any motivational tips or tricks please throw them my way.

So without the comforts of pastries and chocolates and in an attempt to distract myself we have been having a bit of fun this summer:

Wether it be visiting summer cottages

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On a beautimous lake

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With these fabulous people:

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Playing catch with the puppers outside of this amazing castle:

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Or picking wild blueberries for free in our nearest national forest (all hail free berries!)

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and visiting the national museum for free (every Friday afternoon between 16:00 – 18:00) on a date night with a dude who’s only interest in history is appease his wife whilst enjoying making fun of rather tasteless “modern art”.

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With these good happenings I must….must continually remind myself that other than this baby nonsense life is rather good….especially considering we have a baby shower this weekend for Ville’s sister and I really really want to be emotionally strong and fully supportive for that.

Wish me luck peeps – Ariane

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
bellajellybean
Aug. 7th, 2013 05:45 pm (UTC)
Best of luck!

Sorry to hear about the BMI regulation halting your plans. Wish I had some advice, but weight loss escapes me the last few years!

When I did lose well, I followed weight watchers, not sure if they have that program or not there, but you can get info online if not meetings to support/weigh in there.
tobyferret
Aug. 7th, 2013 07:30 pm (UTC)
You are such a strong woman! I know you can get through this! Maybe we can cheer each other on, I'm trying to lose weight too but no matter what it seems to always come back :(
I have your box to send out, i just have to actually get to the Post office when its open to mail it :( I'm making it a goal to get it sent out this week *knock on wood*

I swear, your friend looks JUST like Alan Tudyk!
(Anonymous)
Aug. 12th, 2013 01:10 pm (UTC)
I keep up on you every once in a while and after reading this particular post I thought I could offer my two cents. I too went through the back and forth feelings of celebrating babies, while not being able to celebrate my own. It's really hard! And, unfortunately, babies are always on the mind because it is perfectly natural for women to desire to have children. look at all the women in the bible who wanted children so badly, but were not blessed right away. they too had that desire, but had to wait on the Lord. Waiting just plain sucks, but you have the desire and the Lord knows.

Also, I too was in a stage to loose weight and so I read Eat to Live by Dr. Fuhrman and followed the 6 week nutritarian diet and now it's my way of life and I love it. It can be a difficult switch, but i was able to loose the weight and keep it off. It has worked well for me, my brother and sister in law. You just have to want to make the change....which, let's be honest, is easier said than done. Good Luck!

Jamie
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )

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britishcowgirl
Ariane (or Jessica to a few of you)

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