I’ve been silent on here for quite a bit as I seem to have felt that there really isn’t much for me to blog about….or rather what there is to blog about isn’t really the best of news (though not devastating) and I usually wish to blog about happy things. Sadly all I have to share about my current life is marginally above the mundane.
This past week I’ve kinda scorned facebook. I’m not sure how or why it happens but there are moments where I don’t want to be surrounded by people….though oddly enough whenever I am thrust into a group during one of these preposterous moods I find that I have really really enjoyed myself….so with a bit more motivation today to check on what my facebook peeps are up to I logged on and….found yet another birth announcement.
This frustrates me.
Especially as I have had two friends recently announce to me that they’re pregnant. This mixed-emotion balancing act is getting harder and harder as time goes on. I am honestly happy for those who are being blessed with babies. Seriously happy for them and I do want to hear updates and be kept in the loop, especially if there is something they need that I can help with. However while those feelings are surging throughout me so is a ferocious jealousy powered by fear that these blessings will not be available to me. So here my own personal internal Jekyll and Hyde have a hash out quite often because…..damnit I cannot get babies off of my brain. Trust me: I am trying.
This frustration is further compounded with a lost-in-translation instruction that set our fertility journey a step back. Currently I have only one more (invasive and painful) test left to do before treatment can begin. Knowing the nature of such test I wanted to get it over and done with. Finland thankfully has a rather good health plan which is currently all we can afford. The government in order to save money and force us to become healthier (damn their good intentions) have insisted that all fertility treatments must be halted for women who have a BMI over 35 – mine is 37. I called last week to schedule this last test and was told that until I lost the weight I could not get any treatment. Now logically I agree with the government decision and think it’s a good plan but because it pertains to me I irrationally want to cry and smack a bill-maker up the side of the head for further pushing us back. I have always been a big girl since puberty and I have never successfully lost weight before…..on the other hand I have never been so motivated before but bah to that! Of course I have upped the exercise and changed my eating habits and I really really hope that this doesn’t take too long to lose. If you have any motivational tips or tricks please throw them my way.
So without the comforts of pastries and chocolates and in an attempt to distract myself we have been having a bit of fun this summer:
Wether it be visiting summer cottages
On a beautimous lake
With these fabulous people:
Playing catch with the puppers outside of this amazing castle:
Or picking wild blueberries for free in our nearest national forest (all hail free berries!)
and visiting the national museum for free (every Friday afternoon between 16:00 – 18:00) on a date night with a dude who’s only interest in history is appease his wife whilst enjoying making fun of rather tasteless “modern art”.
With these good happenings I must….must continually remind myself that other than this baby nonsense life is rather good….especially considering we have a baby shower this weekend for Ville’s sister and I really really want to be emotionally strong and fully supportive for that.
Wish me luck peeps – Ariane