February 26th, 2015

Cowgirl Head

The Third Trimester aka The House of Pain...

Urgh….oh….ahhh….grrr……hmmmmppphhhhh….and finally after three literal minutes I have managed to take my beached whale of a self and move my bottom off of the bed. I head towards the bathroom and use the facilities for the umpteenth time today, waddling to and fro like a clipper ship caught in some epic raging storm off the coast of South America. I am thirsty, but that would require a waddle to the kitchen, which is down a flight of 15 stairs. Sure there are only 15 but they might as well be as high as the pyramids for approaching the task of undertaking them is no less daunting and so therefore with a screech of desperation I shout: “Ville….could you do me a favour?”.

third trimester blog post1

Oh the third trimester. How do I wish thee to be over as soon as possible.  Now before you ever so kindly remind me that I asked for this (which is utterly true) I need to preface the rest of this post with a disclaimer: Am I grateful that I am in this position as oppose to my childless and infertile state before? Absolutely.  Will I go through this torment again should I be allowed to be blessed with another kid?: Definitely. Does that mean that this is comfortable and everything is bunnies and roses and since I chose to get pregnant that I am not allowed to have the occasional whinge and moan? No, just in the same way that poor Christopher Reeve (RIP dude) “choose” to get on that horse didn’t take away his frustration. Now he is a better person than I and to my memory didn’t complain publically but if I am to be honest with myself and use this as a journal then I better write the truth. I shall endeavour to make this not a complete tale of pathetic woe but also won’t lie to those interested as to what really happens these final last moments of baby incubation.

I think Mother Nature is a crafty witch. Before I reached week 36 I admit that the idea of giving birth was terrifying. How is one supposed to look forward to the most pain they will ever have? Remember the kidney infection? I was told by a doctor once that kidney pain was only second to childbirth. The memories I have of the pain can hardly be described due to their horridness, they haunt me. The fear of knowing that in a month or so that I should be enduring pain akin if not more to that mocked me and make me terrified but then....something strange happened. I don’t remember the exact moment of when my mindset changed but I do remember that I was utterly surprised that I was charged and ready by week 38 to get this baby out, even with doctor's and neuvola's (think similar to a midwife) warnings that our baby is going to be huge. Honestly there comes a point where you are so fed up, so uncomfortable and so ready to give birth that you look forward to the legendary pain that awaits with anxious awe.  This is where mother nature tricks us.....or maybe rather throws us a bone.

I don’t have a terrible pregnancy, sure its not a normal or easy one as I have been reassured by medical professionals that I am not grumbling unnecessarily, but it could have been a whole lot worse and at the moment I need to remember that as often as possible.

Right before Christmas I knew that I would be uncomfortable and probably have to spend most of my time sitting on the couch staring into the big glowing box of pictures and therefore asked Santa to bring me not one but four video games that I had been waiting a while to play thinking that I would have oodles of free time to dive right into my geeky passion: no one told me however that brain fog gets worse in this trimester. I can barely read a book and follow the plot before my level of concentration plummets and have no idea when/if I shall ever find a moment to be a geeky gamer girl again. Of course the trade off is completely worth it as I am excited and have always wanted to be a mum but what I have realised is that there are so many many things about pregnancy that seemingly no one talks or warns you about until you actually are pregnant. Mention them and you get a whole lotta “oh yeah....I remember those days”.

So another disclaimer: here are some things that caught me by utter surprise that can be on the verge of too much information, therefore if you are squeamish or don’t like hearing about gynaecological stuff please back away from this post and n’er return.

·         The brain fog aka baby brain aka mummy brain: Sure I knew that women joked about this but holy heck did I not expect it to pervade every moment of my waking day making me feel as if I just fell off the stupid truck. There have and continue to be moments where I find the milk in the cupboard and the flour in the fridge. I have forgotten whole conversations with the hubster and then in the middle of accusing him of not telling me something have the memory come flooding back with an added side dish of guilt. I can’t concentrate. I have so many lovely books, costume dramas and documentaries that the nerd in me wants to catch up on but I find myself mentally exhausted after the first ten minutes of exposure. The worst was forgetting that I left an egg onto boil for over 20 minutes before the husband noticed. I remember our neighbours in Sandy, Utah doing that back in the late 90s where there were big plumes of black smoke seeping out of their windows and my dad’s horrible blood-shot eyes, cut hand and wretched coughing fits after his return to rescue the pot that was left on the stove. Took him ages to recover from the poisoning...and I almost did the same to my own family. Ok so there is a bit of overreaction with that one but still it worried me that I could be so forgetful...so...stupid, especially with the added weight/responsibility of knowing that I will soon have a helpless little being left into my care.

·         The pain....oh the pain. I currently suffer from Sciatica (a pinched nerve in my back). I did start to get something similar before where the top of my right thigh became numb and would cramp occasionally when I weighed my heaviest. I lost weight: it went away so therefore I know how to manage it....but you can’t help but put on lots of weight when the baby comes. I am actually quite lucky.  I have actually only gained 13 kilos and that’s after a rapid 10 kilos weight loss to start fertility treatment so technically I am now 39 weeks pregnant and am only 3 kilos over my average weight but those 3 kilos are enough to pinch the hell outta that nerve so much so that now as I reach the end I can barely stand none the less walk. I tried to make some lunch soups for the hubby yesterday and it was less than five minutes stirring a pot when I had to sit down. My thigh doesn’t even bother to do the courteous thing and become numb first....it just rapidly evolves into such shooting pain that I genuinely fear that I will fall over. It doesn’t go away if I lie down either....well it would if I laid on my stomach but that’s not really possible. I know how to fix it: lose weight which will happen...but not now and even the doctor apologised that there was really nothing he could do to help. Painkillers don’t help anymore and the bigger I get the worse this gets. Other pains that no one seems to metion: Round ligament pain aka a blast of super hot energy the size of your fist exploding with the fury of 300 Westboro Baptists at a gay wedding either from your hips or abdomen and Lightening crotch, especially if the baby’s head is down into the birth canal. Such a better name was never chosen.

·         Dry mouth accompanied with sexy drooling and snoring throughout the night

·         Super hairy appendages because bending over is nearly impossible before the baby drops made even more hairy due to a flood of rich hair-growth hormones.

·         The ability to cry at anything slightly sentimental and the inability to turn that ridiculous tap off. I know that they probably wouldn’t have shot the dog in the movie we went to see a few days ago but oh man was that unbearable. I actually had to look away from the screen....wuss.


·         The want to look attractive with the knowledge that getting dressed fully is far too taxing and exhausting. All of a sudden putting clothing on and makeup has become a chore

·         A bafflement of how single mothers or those without awesome willing and helpful partners or those with multiple young children manage to cope with everyday life and seemingly tend to do it better than you.

·         Knowledge of mucus plugs and how they can regenerate again and again (I did warn you).

·         Just because you are pregnant and don’t have a period doesn’t mean that you will stop using feminine hygiene products.

·         The terrible first trimester nausea can/will come back and somehow your nose gains even more power to detect rancid and terrible smells and only those, never the nice ones.

·         How every little tiny object that you used to pick up suddenly becomes enveloped by a malignant magnet force of extra gravity making it weigh nearly twice what it did before i.e. groceries, laundry baskets, vacumns, tiny dogs etc...

·         The realisation that you are going to be helpless and that you are going to have to ask your tired husband who has spent a full-working day to clean and cook and fix and mend and sort out what he can in order to fulfil the irresistible nesting urge and the out-of-character need (not desire but NEED) to have everything sparkling clean.

·         Re-learning patience *sigh* this is probably the hardest one for me.

·         It is actually possible to possess such a huge baby bump that not even one-size-too-large maternity clothing fits and no random stranger telling me that you are sure there are twins in there I assure you there is only one.

I suppose I should end this with some good and point out that not all is terrible. I am very excited to start this next journey in my life. There were so many moments before where I was wrapped in fear that this opportunity to be a mother would never be given to me. I have oodles of sympathetic friendly ears who dish out much needed and good advice when I grumble inquisitively to Facebook. We have all the big stuff we need, nursery is complete and were given so so many gifts to ease parenthood from generous friends.


I promise she doesn't usually look that angry *chuckle*.

Finland also has a very very generous maternity package (even for schlubs like me who currently don’t work) so we get some family pay plus the hubster has three weeks paternity plus his winter holiday so the first month he will be with us. I also shant be without a plethora of help. The best part though is this: my baby sister will be spending that first month with us also! All the way from the U S of A. This is one of the first times I shall be grateful that she is a clean freak. It used to tick me off as a teenager when my mother with point out that our bedrooms couldn’t have been more different but now I kinda love knowing that if something isn’t up to her standard she will just quietly take it there without complaining to me, cleaning in the background while I get to be lazy. Plus I do love her and it’s true that even if you fought like monsters as kids sometimes you end up being good friends.

Here’s hoping that I can stop being a Moaning Myrtle and relax and somehow find a way to patiently wait for the baby on her own dang time to make an appearance into this world.

Thanks for listening,

Toodles sweets - Ariane